[personal profile] cait
Okay, you guys.  The cancellation of SGA has pretty much ruinned my life.  I had just posted my gaybashed John story, and was just checking to see if it had posted on the flist properly when I heard the news.  My first thought was: fuck this shit, it's not really going to happen.  Then I accepted.  My reaction to this has been to self harm as much as possible.  Yes, much like a Degrassi student with a razor and a forearm, I have started to hurt myself to relieve the pain.  Mostly, I read fic that I would never, ever have considered, because they  contain certain squicks that move me to tears.  For example, in the last few days, I have read stories that have include:

*RODNEY/JOHN CHEATING ON EACH OTHER D: D: D;
*They are seperated and angsty AND THERE MAY NOT BE A HAPPY ENDING D: D:
*THREESOMES/MORESOMES.  I'm sorry, I know some people like this, but I can not cope.
*Atlantis seceding from earth D: D: D:
*John and Rodney break up.  At any point.  Or attempt suicide. Or don't like each other
*ANGST.  CAN NOT COPE D:  D:  I READ DEATH FIC.  I CRIED.

However, I did find a really good fic where Rodney went nuts and started killing people, and John was just....'okay, buddy, do what you need to do.'

Also, I have had panic attacks that I need to finish every single fic in to-do folder, and there are so many of them.  Expect some crappy, half finished, fics that include character death and humiliation.  D:

Had anybody ever read that Smallville fic where Lana and Lex are together, and at Lana's request, Lex sort of forces the town to freeze in time?  Won't let anybody move or change jobs?  Keeps everything the same...forever?

Watch out guys, I'm the new Lana Lang. 

I loved my gay space show, and the actors and new episodes, but the thing I am most upset about losing is my fandom   I love love love this fandom.  It's the first fandom I've ever really interacted with people in, first fandom I continuously posted about, first fandom where I wrote fic in.  And now - is it all going to go away?  I keep reading posts that say 'oh, we'll be here forever,' but isn't that what we said when Queer as Folk got canceled?  And now it's an empty, sad place where I haven't been in years.  And I also loved that fandom.

Where is everybody going to go?  Are we all going to split up?I can't deal with that, you guys.  I don't want a new fandom.  I don't want anybody to leave.  I'm going to freeze you in time. 
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cait

May 2009

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