I'm just so overwhelmed with life, right now.  Thank god exams are over - I think I did okay on most, if not all of them (as I typed this, I realized that marks come up today, ofg) OKAY.  Just checked grades.  Two As and  B+ in  that English hell course with one class left to come.

Oh god, I am never taking an english class again.  They wanted me to think and shit (shit has become one the words I use most often.  Looking back, I've used it over a dozen times today and I am sitting here at work, by myself.)

During exams I blew my knee.  From studying.  While lying on my bed, wtf.  LIFE.  I cried every day, pretty much.  I am not a good studier.  Also, I took a full time job during exams, IDK.  I did it last term too, and swore I never would again, but I tend to say that a lot.  I haven't posted in over two months, but I did manage to whore my way into a DW code (erin, was it good for you?)  I haven't posted there either, but I managed to get username cait.  The eternally was holding me down.  Are we all moving? I'm confused, do I need to follow two flists now or is this like the great fan migration of 07 that never actually happened.  I'm a total sheep, I'll come with.

OH SO.  I'm working at political office again.  More on my angst later about fanfiction and politics and how I can't combine the two.  I was supposed to leave on trip yesterday, but have been forced to stay  home for Liberal Convention.  Trying to run an MPs life is hard, yo.  Some high school kids came in yesterday to interview me (!!!!!) for their school paper (!!!!!!!!!) about what it's like working in politics.  I think I killed their soul a little. (Me: HERE IS MY PHOTOCOPIER.  IT DOES DOUBLE SIDED :D)
 
I arrived at office 7 this moring and won't finish until 11 or so tonight.  You guys, I am so tired.  And so whiny.  I'm so happy that Michael Ignatieff is becoming leader, so happy, but I just want to run away with my blackberry and carry on a torrid affair with my laptop.  I have four weeks worth of tv to watch and a million m-pregs to read.   However, I have not been neglecting my duties.  Here is some Merlin art, clearly I am a great artiste, or spend way too much time on the phone with my hands free
.
 
I went to Richmond, Charleston, Nashville and Charlotte for reading week with a friend.  America is amazing even if the accents were no where near as heavy as I expected.  I really wish I'd gone on that exchange to Chapel Hill - REGRETS, I HAS THEM.

* Waffle House is like if Denny's and Ihop had a retarded love child with high blood pressure.  That is not to say it wasn't amazing.  I researched it thoroughly certain fanfictions and freaked Chrissy out by ordering all confident-like.  

*What is this food, grits?  I had it at three different places and i swear to god it was different each time.  Fuck you,, grits.  you are the reason we came here.

*Certain people need to stop having creepy feelings about the civil war, srsly.  I don't want to be educated, kthx 

*Charlotte Airport has a shop that sells vibrators.  I am amazed.

*Nashville's airport is the nicest I have ever slept in; anyone who goes to the Starbucks in the domestic terminal - do not sit on the couch.  I'm pretty sure I drooled all over it.

On my way home now.  I have succumbed to the pressure and downloaded Merlin.  Chrissy is not impressed, but then she downloaded the new 90210 for the way home so she can't talk. 
OH HAI THAR

So.  I just finished Giant Paper of Doom, and only have Midterm of Horror and Short Paper of Frustration to finish before reading week.  I don't know where I'm going - some friends of mine are going to Savannah, but I was thinking of going back to London.  I was planning to go to Argentina but the flights are really full up.

So.  My papers would have been done a long time ago if it wasn't for the Harry Potter fandom.  I have been drawn back in again, and HP is like an abusive boyfriend you just can't give up and keep going back to even though there are other nice guys out there like Merlin and Bones. 

The problem is I know that there is so much good fic out there - some that I remember and that I am trying to find (on clues like 'Draco had a nice...house?  A room in the house? There was sex at one point?' - and new stories that are hidden among the really creepy abusive-house-elf-slash.

Oh god, speaking about house elves - I am wanting to talk about HP ALL THE TIME.  It's wretch.  I'm in this Civil War history class that is focussing on Uncle Tom's Cabin and I keep having  these genius (they're not :( )  realizations that Hermione would totally write house-elf/UncleTom fusion fic and that it would be one of those deep fics that get a billion metas and change the world amen.  But then I can't share it with anybody because I am already creepy what with the teacher already having phoned me at home to talk about being a working-student mother.  I went with it and now I keep forgetting that I am supposed to have kids. 

Another problem is that I have absolutely no memory of what happened in the last two (three) books.  I keep confusing it with fanfic - I managed to strike up a Harry Potter conversation (don't look at me like that, it flowed from the previous topic, damnit) and I was swearing up and down that Neville killed Voldemort and like, Harry married zombie-Snape.  I was wrong. 

So yes. HP  fic.  It's so good :(  I can't stop myself, it won't be so bad this time, he really *loves* me, okay!



ps.  I reread the epilogue online - wth?  Not a fan, and I recall not being a fan.  Whatevs about Harry/Ginny and all that (that's what *fanfic* is for!) but it seems that the point of the epilogue was look!  Everything's gone full circle!  Back to the beginning!  Yay!  Except for that was the beginning of the rise of Voldemort and living in the past isn't so great when you've come out of years of warfare.  

pps.  So maybe I've also watched Double Shot at Love: Identical Bisexual Twins.  It was awful.  I was drunk.  It was kismet.

Hey flist, just a quick note to say that I am reading Harry Potter porn here in Dubai.  If I am arrested, send fangirls to storm the jail to break me out.  Am moving on to Egypt tomorrow.  Best part of Dubai so far: a giant Chili`s sign in Arabic.  I bet Pam would see God AND Mohammed in that Chili`s.  Uh, fun note - I wiki`d the spelling of Mohammed and the site was blocked.  Yay!

*I cleared the trip with my profs.  However, they think it`s a one-off thing and that I never get to travel and so going is a good educational experience  Oh how they`ll learn. 
You guys, I really like the look of this class (American Studies) but I think it's way too smart for me.  It's in the English department and it's all about reading books and extrapolating stuff.  True story: I am not deep.  I am not an out of the box thinker.  Nor am I an in the box thinker.  Once I read a poem about a dead flower and actually thought it was about a dead flower. 

Ahhhh, we have to do reflections on things.  Has anybody read the following books?

-Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion
-Nine Stories by J.D Salinger
-The Dead Father by Donald Barthoeme
-TheMezzazine by Nicholas Baker
-The Pharaoh's Army: Memories of the Last War by Tobias Wolff
-Jarhead by Anthony Swofford

Are they deep and full of meaning?  Do they have underlying messages?  Does it say things that aren't written on the page?  Because that = bad news.

I totally like this class, but I think I will fail it or break my brain.  Thoughts?  I defer to you guys :(
Exams are finally over, which is fantastic because I can finally start concentrating on my papers.  One of which is 20 pages. Crap, oh crap.  So what happened is that I went to go work at a political person's office for the exam period - they were all 'Oh...Cait, you'll just have to answer phones and you can study and hey!  One month's pay will pay for your entire tuition next term so you'll be able to pay rent! - but then something interesting happened in Canadian politics. 

I know.  Close your mouth, I was also shocked.  Le Information

It's pretty over by now, but let me tell you, the voters were enraged.  In one day we got over 1500 emails (average being....20?  On a heavy day?)  and people were lined up to scream at me.  We wound up having to lock the doors because some guy knocked my computer screen over with his rage and the mood was getting really ugly.  FUN TIMES.

But.  BUT.  They kicked out the incompetent leader and put my guy in.  Finally.  The guy who I broke a rib crying over when he lost. I got into the office at about 0800, turned on the news watched for about five seconds and then screamed really loudly and broke into hysterical tears of happiness while falling to the floor sobbing.  I'm kind of intense sometimes.  The Chinese ministry people from next door ran over to save me from the murderer, so that was awkward.

BUT I PLAYED IT COOL.  Because I work in the office of the MP who organized Dion's (the ineffectual loser who was kicked out) leadership campaign, and everyone in the offices haaaaaaaates Ignatieff, even if he was on the cover of GQ at one point.  So I'm all 'you know, I really don't think Dion was so bad.  He totally should have stayed leader, guys."  I am that apostle guy who turned against Jesus (or you know, Michael Ignatieff.  Although several papers have called him a mix of Trudeau and Obama, with some Hillary in there for luck.) 

Anyways, this is a long winded explanation for why I haven't been on the internet.  I have 200 or so emails and I haven't watched any recreational tv for weeks :(  I lie.  I have been watching Bones instead of sleeping.  But the point is still valid.

RE:  Ignatieff - except for that one hysterical hour when I just found out (no one else showed up until noon, btw.  And they were all crying for a different reason) I'm kinda meh about the whole thing.  Mostly I feel a superiour sense of smug satisfaction, because I'm the winner.  Two years late, but STILL THE WINNER.  He'd better do a good job, that's all I'm saying, because I don't really know how I feel about this whole thing, and I need Iggy to make me believe in him again.

ps for Canadians: You guys, I'm pretty sure that Ignatieff and Rae have a torrid, secret gay love story.  Like, they lived together in university, debated and I QUOTE  "experimented together."  I read slash, I know what that means.  Then!  They meet again in politics, are the top contenders for leadership role and disapear into private meetings to 'discuss issues.'  Oh yah, baby.  THEN, Rae drops out of the race, and supports Ignatieff even though doing so could damage him politically because of their 'long history together as friends.'  And then - Rae could win!  Two years later!  But then steps aside for Ignatieff - because 'he's a good guy.  I've known him for forty years, I don't know a better man.'  Obviously greying political buttsex.  That I may have written fic about :(  What.  Americans have that Rahm guy. 



Well I am sitting in the last class of my Indian social history class and thank god it is over.  Worst class ever, for real.  Even worse than the Pacific military history of the 20th C class (though only because there are 8 people in that class, and 5 of them I am in love with.)  I don't know how I am going to get through this exam - the lectures have been atrocious and my notes contain a lot of ....?

Actually the prof just called one of the boys a 'penis person' which makes a lot of the class worth it, after all. 

AND NOW SHE CALLED HIM A MISOGYNISTIC OLD PENIS WHO LIKES THINGS THAT ARE HARD.

She's actually really funny, but a really bad lecturer about Indian History.  When she talks about her life - she's trans and travelled a lot and has really funny stories about being trans (without the surgery) in India.  I hate it when people talk shit about her b/c of the sexuality thing, because it totally discredits the fact that she's just a REALLY BAD LECTURER. 
I was totally planning on making a post right now - this class is ridic (there are four of us in the class listening to the presentation, and right now, one is sleeping, one is blatantly writing a paper on another topic, one is reading twilight and one is me) but the really really hot guy is making a presentation and this gives me an opportunity to stare at him.  I'd take a picture, but I think he'd notice as I am right in front of him.
Well I'm flying off again, and it's about time.  I'm starting to feel itchy in my own skin and trapped in the city.  I miss flying and airports (even though I go to one almost every day for lunch.)  Cuba!  This is my schedule today: work at MP's office 9-1.  School: 2-5  Work at Air Canada: 6-1015.  My plane takes off at 11:35 pm and I'm not packed.  And apparently there is a hurricane over Cuba?  Yay!

I'm skipping school, but I'm trying to justify it by telling myself I'm going down to do *research.*  Just don't ask me what I'm researching, I'll find something, I'm sure.  I have a million papers due, which I plan to do on the plane  - I've got most of my research compiled.  Have a sample of Cait's broad education - 1 essay per class:

a)The biological experiments on unwilling/unknowing humans by the Japanese during WW2 and the ensuing coverup by the United States (they wanted the results of the experiments/scientists for Cold War research.)
b)Indian soldiers on the Western Front.  How they all died and still Britain wouldn't give them independence. 
c)Naval battles of World War 1 and 2, differences between.

I have a well rounded education, obviously.  Notice that in no paper can I bring up Cuba :/

Ugh.  The worst project.  THE VERY WORST project is only worth 5%, but I am not kidding, I almost dropped my favourite class when I found out that I would have to do an art project depicting either recruitment or war resistance.  I am the least creative person ever and I have absolutely no idea what I can do for a university level art project.  If this was high school, I would just draw a recruitment poster, but, and I quote, the proff said 'I think we've all moved beyond posterboard."  Damnit.

But CUBA!  I have downloaded many hours of TV for the plane.  For when I'm done my papers, obv.  Or you know, a break.   
Okay Americans.  If you don't vote today I will hate you.  Unless you're voting for the wrong person - in that case, no!  Your vote doesn't count...stay at home, eat pie.  My angry Canadian icon is telling you so.

In other news, I've decided to take of to Havana next week.  I've been stuck in Vancouver for a while and I'm starting to get itchy feet.  Do I really want to pay an extra 100$ to stay in the hotel Hemmingway lived in?  Or stay in my cheap ass hostel for the whole 4 days.  I am cheap, but at the same time I like nice things and I'm already paying an extra 50 bucks to sit in business class (well, not exactly.  It also means that my priority (my name on the standby list goes on top so if there is limited seats I'll get one.))Also, Havana!  Yay!  I must spend all week memorizing phrases and looking up things to do.  SO EXCITED!
Okay.  I have to tell you, I am kinda glad the US election is happening tomorrow.  Why?  Because I sick of it.  Before you come and beat me with thunder sticks, let me give you my reasons.
1) I'm kind of a horrible person who hates democracy
2) I am Canadian
3)No body cared about the Canadian election and talked about the US election instead.  
4)Lowest voter turnout rate in the 20th C.  By percentage.
5)Although everyone here loves Obama, we still wound up with a Conservative government, WTF

But it's okay.  I've moved on.  I'd like to introduce you to a new political candidate who I feel very strongly about. 



Gregor Robinson.  He's running for they mayor of Vancouver.

Why should you care?  Because he is a hot ass.  I am voting for him because I'd totally like to sex him up, and that is not a euphonism for something political.  I'm sure he has good issues, and basically I'd vote for anybody who wasn't Sam Sullivan, but seriously.  Look at the guy.  Plus, he is the former owner of my favourite juice.  Possibly he would give me some.  After he took off his clothes. 

If he wins I will totally write RPF about him and Joe Flannigan, because he watches Stargate.  Because it 'showcases our great city.'  I'm not sure where or when he said that, but someone told me he did.  Also, in his bio it says he 'get's musical' which I'm pretty sure means dancing around it pink glittery spandex. 

Plus he has a really great stance on the issues, blah blah, I actually agree with his direction for the city, whatever, but also, when the Olympics come, don't we want a hot mayor?



That's right baby, advocate for affordable housing and for the homeless.  YES.

So.  In conclusion, Gregor Robinson is hot.  And I love him.  Even if you are not a Vancouverite, I feel that we can all get behind this?



Wow, so I haven't posted in forever.  I've been ridiculously busy with school and work - I got a new job at an MP's office, which is great for my resume but bad in terms that I have no time to breath.  I didn't tell anybody that I had a day off today because I wanted to catch up on <s>fanfiction</s> life.  Okay, so real life update later, because I have something much more important to discuss.  Supernatural.  Okay.  So I usually put away my books, get home from work, stop crying with shame at around 11 pm and I swear to god, if it wasn't for SPN I would be so well rested.  I've started rewatching it from the beginning (well, only the episodes I remember that I didn't hate, but soon I have to go back and rewatch EVERYTHING) and I have completely switched from a Sam-girl to a Dean-girl.  I'm sick.  I appear to be drawn to emo-pain. 

So far I have read (on my blackberry, which hurts my feeble eyes :(  ) as much fic as I could find, which is great.  HOWEVER  this is the fanfic I want to write myself/want somebody else to write so I can read it.

*Dean on Atlantis.  Okay.  You know what, the only reason I put this on the list is because I'm 3/4 of the way done this fic.
 
*A fic where Dean doesn't get pulled out for like, 10 years, and comes back to Sam about to bring about the apocalypse to get him back.  AND IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP.  OH NO.

*Dean comes back from hell as a demon!  And follows Sam around and Sam can't bear to exorcise him, because he's not all evil yet, he's just kinda Ruby-esque.  

*The whole thing is a hallucination and the FBI was *right*.  They were brainwashed by their Dad when they were younger, and the whole time they've just been crazy mass murders.  This will be a light hearted comedy, I'm sure.

*Okay.  I'm kinda horrible for wanting this, but I would like to see Dean as a paraplegic.  Like, I know I can't write this, because I would just fill it with stupid wheelchair jokes where Dean goes to attack something and falls off of his wheelchair.  But no!  I think a well done fic (not by me) would be really cool. And like deep and showing I don't know, essence or whatever.

OKAY.  And one more, but I actually wrote six pages of this one and it's just one scene of a larger fic, but I don't know how it ends yet.  So.  Here it is, because it's awesome.  Make up and ending and tell me about it, people.

Fic: It's been twenty years since Sam left for Stanford and he has a good job, a non-midlife crisis car, no matter what anyone says, and a wife and kids. 






When you see this, post a quote from Stargate Atlantis in your journal.

"Rodney...I...lo...ve....you"

-John Sheppard, edited out of quotes from several different episodes.

So I watched SGA's The Queen...

And here are some thoughts. Please keep in mind that it is 230 AM and judge accordingly. Spoilers. )


Also, they apparently released the casting sheets for SG:Universe, and
I have more than one question that needs answering. )


I WANT TO GO STALK SGA FILMINGS.  Recent photos of Flan look like they were taken up near my summer cottage.  I have often asked myself why I am not stalking SGA filming - I would - I can be really creepy and stalkery and inappropriate, but i just don't know how to find them.  Does anybody have any tips?  I was at work the other day, and someone told me they were filming something in the hanger, apparently 'something about a car.'  So I run down, screaming DEAAAAAAAAAAN, I am coming for YOUUUUUUUU but it turned out to be a Suburu commercial.  Damn.

So having finished my reading (which includes books like 'The Encyclopedia of Atrocities,' and 'Crimes of War - The Illustrated Edition') I tried to get started on my John-and-Rodney-are-happy fic.  I am debating this scenario with myself:

Cait's right typing hand: Possibly something about how the Wraith project specters of themself?  That thing we never saw again after the first episode?
Cait's left typing hand:  Uh huh
Cait's right typing hand: Maybe they don't actually project Wraith phantomey things.  Maybe they project what people are most afraid of.
Cait's left typing hand: Which is why JShep often sees vaginas running through the woods.

This is not an easy fic to write :/

School is okay, I'm pretty sure I'm going to flunk all of my classes.  It's good to go in with high expectations.  Once again I have set myself up as 'that girl who knows Canada,' so hopefully no one will ask me any questions about the rest of the world for the rest of the year.  I dropped the Classical Studies class because I think you're supposed to have some sort of background in Classical Studies (it's a third year class)  and I didn't know who Marc Anthony was when asked.  Awkward.  I'm substituting it with a class on History of the Pacific.  The professor actually fought in WW2, which makes him my oldest prof yet.  I have to make sure not to fall in love with him as I think he is married.  There aren't any assigned readings, but every week we have to read two articles of our choice that have something to do with the Pacific (like, any country that touches the Pacific ocean, from Siberia to Australia to Argentina to Alaska) within that week's time period.  I'm not sure if that's going to work very well, but there's no final, just a 20 page paper on our choice of topic.  

War and Society looks pretty interesting.  This week's readings have been all about what kind of person is able to kill people when directed (the article is...a little biased and crazy) and the whole time I kept thinking about how I wanted to sex up most of the military.  The prof showed us videos of people being shot down on the first day, which made me feel 1/2 sad panda and 1/2 psychotic for taking the class.

I've been to two lectures of a Social History of India and I've learned two things: 1) my prof doesn't care if we plagiarize (!?) 2) What it is like being a trans person teaching at UBC.  I don't think she's mentioned India once, which is terrifying, as all I know about India I learned from 'Bride and Prejudice' and I am going to fail the exam if she doesn't start telling me things I should know..

My computer has not yet been returned to me, and I hate HP very much.  I guess here is where I usually make my 'sorry comments are so behind!  I'll answer them soon!' remark, so - I'm so behind in answering comments!  I don't hate you!  I'm just lazy!  They're coming!

Okay, you guys.  The cancellation of SGA has pretty much ruinned my life.  I had just posted my gaybashed John story, and was just checking to see if it had posted on the flist properly when I heard the news.  My first thought was: fuck this shit, it's not really going to happen.  Then I accepted.  My reaction to this has been to self harm as much as possible.  Yes, much like a Degrassi student with a razor and a forearm, I have started to hurt myself to relieve the pain.  Mostly, I read fic that I would never, ever have considered, because they  contain certain squicks that move me to tears.  For example, in the last few days, I have read stories that have include:

*RODNEY/JOHN CHEATING ON EACH OTHER D: D: D;
*They are seperated and angsty AND THERE MAY NOT BE A HAPPY ENDING D: D:
*THREESOMES/MORESOMES.  I'm sorry, I know some people like this, but I can not cope.
*Atlantis seceding from earth D: D: D:
*John and Rodney break up.  At any point.  Or attempt suicide. Or don't like each other
*ANGST.  CAN NOT COPE D:  D:  I READ DEATH FIC.  I CRIED.

However, I did find a really good fic where Rodney went nuts and started killing people, and John was just....'okay, buddy, do what you need to do.'

Also, I have had panic attacks that I need to finish every single fic in to-do folder, and there are so many of them.  Expect some crappy, half finished, fics that include character death and humiliation.  D:

Had anybody ever read that Smallville fic where Lana and Lex are together, and at Lana's request, Lex sort of forces the town to freeze in time?  Won't let anybody move or change jobs?  Keeps everything the same...forever?

Watch out guys, I'm the new Lana Lang. 

I loved my gay space show, and the actors and new episodes, but the thing I am most upset about losing is my fandom   I love love love this fandom.  It's the first fandom I've ever really interacted with people in, first fandom I continuously posted about, first fandom where I wrote fic in.  And now - is it all going to go away?  I keep reading posts that say 'oh, we'll be here forever,' but isn't that what we said when Queer as Folk got canceled?  And now it's an empty, sad place where I haven't been in years.  And I also loved that fandom.

Where is everybody going to go?  Are we all going to split up?I can't deal with that, you guys.  I don't want a new fandom.  I don't want anybody to leave.  I'm going to freeze you in time. 

New fic, you guys.  It contains the word 'gay'  a lot.  Written for

[personal profile] eleveninches, because at one point, long ago, she asked for fic where Rodney gay-bashes John.  I actually do like Rodney, you know.


(My Heart Goes) Bang Bang Boom

14A, not for sexin', but for swearing.  2 500 words.  John/Rodney. 

It wasn’t the fact that Rodney was physically abusing him that upset John so much; it was the fact that John was being forced to think about his feelings.


Aaaaaaaargh.  My road trip today - I drove into the suburbs.  It was so stressful.  I am one of those irritating people who never leave the city and just kind of consider everything east of Main to be the hinterlands.  The drive was supposed to take an hour, but it took me five hours, due to my inability to read a map while driving. 

Is it a generational thing to scream "I'm on the freeway!!!"  a la Clueless when you get on a highway/freeway?  That movie shaped my life. 

UH, the best part so far about sx5 of sga is




My sisters are talking about their wild night at the club.  Last night, I wrote the fanfiction.


OH, OH.  Update from fannish people (I suspect) at work.

1) Talking about Doctor Who at work, and I said something about how I wished someone would write me a story about something or other.  S says - 'you should check online for fanfiction.'  Me- "....what's that?'

2) So me and guy in our Montreal office are taking a day trip to Colorado Springs to search for aliens and possible stargates.  He asked.  IS THIS A DATE?  He's not picking me up, or anything, we're meeting in the airport, but I DON"T KNOW. 
grr, argh.  Just wrote  8 pages of fic that I didn't save, even once (damn you, self) and my stupid computer installed updates and restarted itself on me.  FOr the love of god, I can not find the recovered microsoft word file.  Any hot tips?  Or will I just kill myself D:
*narrows eyes*

Dear Doctor M Rodney McKay,

I've just watched 4x20, 5x01 and the beginning of 5x02.  I'd just like to inform you that if you break hot-ass bandito John Sheppard's heart I will hunt you down and fuck. you. up.  I write fanfic.  I'm warning you. 

Love for now, but I'm watching you,

Cait


So I've started watching sga again. John Sheppard, you can molest me anytime. 

Shameful confession #76883391, I may have extreme, extreme rage at Jennifer Keller right now.  I am currently combing old sga newsletters to find episode reviews that discuss J/Rod's deep homo love.  Uh, could someone spoil me for upcoming (past 5x02) episodes to reassure me that they do not break up with each other?  I am so tense, you have no idea.
Okay.  Thank god  I don't mind being spoiled, because this is a true fact about my self:  I will never finish anything.  From big - I'm putting off graduating from UBC, because I don't really know what's next, to little - I still haven't watched the s4 finale of Doctor Who, because  I don't want it to be the end.  I honestly can barely remember the last time I watched a season finale.  I always put it off and put it off because I can't bear to finish anything.  Even tv.  I remember being really really upset when I quit my job at Shoppers Drug Mart - and I hated that job, because I don't like closing a chapter in my life.  Even if it's just Supernatural.

I think all of this is moslty my absolute fear of being disapointed.  I don't know, it's hard for me to start things too - ex, the fact that I haven't started sga s5 and have been dreading the start of the season.  I have a huge, huge awful fear of commitment.  I've been trying to back out of going back to school for months - somebody has to come and beat me with a stick until I pay my tuition.  My family always says that they're going to frog march me down the aisle, or else I'll get engaged a million, trillion times, and never get married.  Somebody call the wah-mbulance. 

Uh, so this post is mostly navel gazing, and then a promise to post again tommorow. 

BTW.  In this journal, no day is defriending amnesty day.  You people may never, ever defriend.  I will track you down.  And then cry in your face. 

WOW, I BET YOU'RE ALL GLAD TO BE HERE.
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